The Best Places to Smoke at Konawaena High


Leila Faler, Assistant Editor

Ah yes, smoking and school…the perfect combo. What better place to smoke weed and inhale poison cotton candy than an environment built solely for the purpose of learning. I’m no mathematician, but I’m going to take a wild guess and say that a very large majority of Konawaena has done the deeds. I’m going out on a limb here, but come on guys, I’m a high schooler as well and I call phony if every single student on campus were to say they’ve never smoked or inhaled a smithereen of nicotine.


As a fellow Wildcat and journalist, I feel it is my utmost purpose and duty, to inform you all on extremely important and educational school-related matters. You know, spirit week, new teachers, school assemblies and of course the absolute best places to smoke on campus.


My first recommendation is, of course, the school bathrooms. Hardly can we students call them restrooms anymore, they are more of what we’d like to call “Juul rooms”. Okay, sure there’s toilets, sinks, and people who desperately have to use the bathroom, but who cares when groups can swarm in like packs of mosquitoes and suck the life out of a hard drive while poor peers race to find an open stall. What makes this an even better location to hot box is the fact that teachers, believe it or not, have to use the restroom as well. This means while you’re Snap chatting yourself with the dog filter on, lip singing to Emergency Spliff by SkillinJah and while blowing smoke all over the bathroom, teachers are very likely to walk in on the sad sight.


The second place I recommend is Konawaena’s courtyard, you know, right in front of the flagpole? This is an absolutely exquisite place to take a good ol rip from your mod or dab pen because you can see who’s coming at any time from all directions. Cool right? Yeah, just take a long hit while your friends search frantically from all directions to ensure you don’t get spotted by Mr. Suzuki, Mrs.Spencer or  Kumu. The heart of the school, what better way to support the growth of your education than by smoking a fatty and blowing it on the flagpole? the answer is none.


Another fantastic place to take a hit out of your hard drive is in the middle of class. Go ahead and puff away at the device that shortens breath and causes addiction as your teacher looks in the opposite direction. Don’t mind that in 1.2 seconds your teachers head will swing around and ask you to answer the question on the board. What makes this location even more prime, is the looks you’ll receive as you attempt to exhale the cloud of grape menthol unnoticed while your teacher stares at you in disbelief.

Spice it up a bit by hitting your mod while walking down the hallways or hanging out with your friends during wiki and lunch. You all think you’re slick but anyone who has common sense can see you hiding your novo in your sleeve as your pretend to itch your face. Tilt your head slightly in the opposite direction of people approaching and take a good long rip. The best part is when a teacher heads in your direction you’re forced to hold your breath for a ghastly 15 seconds, whew what a work out am I right?


And that’s a wrap, the best places to kill your lungs at Konawaena High. If you’ve read this far, I hope I was able to make my humorous tone known because I am in no way supporting the use of illegal contraband on campus. Also, I really hope the girls littering the bathroom floors don’t want to kill me after they read this, Emergency Spliff is a good song I swear (:

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